Christmas is creeping up on us, and all the songs say that we’re supposed to be happy at this time of year. People who aren’t feeling it don’t want to admit how they’re feeling to ANYONE. So what happens to a caregiver who’s not feeling “the Christmas spirit”? How can you give that hope to everyone who’s depending on you if you feel empty yourself?
Each year as December days pass, I find myself slipping into a place that makes joy hard to find. It’s not the fullness of the holiday season, it’s looking back at a year past where I wasn’t everything I wanted to be. It takes me out of the moments that are supposed to be joyful. It takes a conscious effort to pull myself back to being present in the moment. Sometimes all I can manage is a quietness.
I guess what I’m saying is that I have to be myself in every moment. Being fully present in others’ lives requires my true self, not a mask. It is what it is, and that’s okay.